Part eight: Leaving CCU

Ryan did so well coming off the vent. He still had a cannula that supplied him with a tiny bit of oxygen and I considered it a safety blanket. It was so good having Ryan back with me and talking to me. I spent a lot of Monday evening explaining what happened. We had a lot of deep talks about our faith, God's plan, our babies, etc.

 

We had so much catching up to do, but first and foremost I really had to tell Ryan what happened. The last thing that he remembered was going to the chocolate festival fundraiser with Haley and Payton, Trey and Emma, and the kids. After that, nothing. I went through the entire scenario up until this point. Some times were harder than others to get through. The hardest part was when Ryan realized he may have never gotten the chance to tell our kids goodbye. It was a physical pain I felt when he said that because it was true. You go to bed each evening expecting to wake each morning. You never expect to leave this world abruptly, but it happens. It happens to all walks of life. Rich, poor, in a good place in life, in a bad place. You just never know. You can only lead your life in the most Godly way possible. Let people see your light. It was hard hearing Ryan tell me he was sorry. Sorry for what he put me through, sorry that he nearly left me a widow and a single mom. That's Ryan's nature. Always apologetic and always thinking about others before himself.

 

We got through the story and he went off to bed for the evening. I thanked God over and over again for his blessings and turned in myself.

 

Tuesday was a good day up until that evening. They were going to pull the line out where Ryan had been receiving dialysis. It wasn't anything unusual. They do it all the time in fact. Ask any nurse. Ryan's nurse Ashley pulled the line, held pressure, and everything was fine. She asked a respiratory therapist who was walking by to give her a hand and as she came in to put gloves on Ashley looked towards her and heard Ryan say "help me". A second later when she looked down at him he immediately went blue. Ashley started giving him oxygen as quickly as she could. Ryan was 100% awake and aware during this ordeal. He had thrown a clot that went directly to his lungs cutting off his air. Ryan was ultimately fine, but it was so scary especially to him and his nurse. I was so thankful that I had walked away for a little while during all of this. When I returned I immediately felt something was off and as I pulled back the curtain I caught eyes with Ashley and she said, Sarah, Ryan is fine. I have to talk to this doctor, but he is fine now. They ended up calling the doctor when it happened and he helped via the monitors in Ryan's room. They then told Ryan's pulmonologist  and she was there immediately. They said it happened maybe 10% of the time when the pull lines. She assured us that it wouldn't happen again, but still it was so scary knowing that Ryan had another Quinton on the other side of his neck that would have to be removed someday.

 

Ryan was fine. It scared him pretty good, but all in all the best place for that to have happened was right where he was.

 

We spent lots of time together hand in hand. Whenever Ryan would fall asleep, I would occasionally slip my hand away to do something. When Ryan would wake slightly and realize he wasn't holding my hand he would go searching for it. It was the sweetest thing and still makes my heart flutter thinking about it.

Ryan was pretty confused those first few days. He was convinved his was in Atlanta, Georgia. It was comical. Ryan knew that he was there because we were watching the Braves play baseball. I loved it. Dr. Pevahouse asked him lots of questions. His birthday, my birthday, the kids, etc. He asked who the governor was once and Ryan sat up so confidently and said Mike Huckabee. He just knew. I giggled and said, not who you want it to be, but who it actually is. Then he replied with Beebe. It was funny. It took him a few days to realize that he wasn't in ATL, but he wasn't too devastated.

They checked on the blood clots in his body and learned that he didn't have any in his legs, which was what they feared and learned that the ones in his arms were slowly dissolving. The doctors felt like he was strong enough to get a MRI so they did that. This is when they found a mass on his adrenal gland. There were lots of questions that were still unanswered, but we hoped that maybe this mass could give us an answer.

The next couple of days were just filled with hanging out with Ryan bedside. Answering any questions that he had and clearing up any confusion. Now that Ryan was awake I didn't want to miss one second with him. I missed the babies terribly, but I knew that Mimi and Nana were taking care of them. They even got a special treat when Mrs. Brooke got to keep them for a day. Wyatt doing laundry and Claire's life being complete getting to spend it with her beloved.

 

Ryan started physical therapy 4 days after the pulled everything off. It was brutal to watch. I knew that they were pushing Ryan to get him strong but it was so stressful to watch. He hadn't been out of bed for nearly 2 weeks. His body lost all muscle mass. He was nothing but bones. It wore him out to lift himself up and turn over, but they had him getting up and out of bed. After that first session I decided PT wasn't something I was really into watching. Nonetheless Ryan did so amazing. He had the will to excel. He wanted to show them what he had and he definitely delivered.

 

Dr. Jones and Dr. Pevahouse were so thoughtful when it came to our children. They really wanted Ryan to be able to see them because it had been 2 weeks since Ryan had.

 

 Saturday, July 26 the doctors and nurse said we could bring them into CCU. You have to be 14 to be in the waiting room for the critical care unit, much less back there where the actual unit was. I had mom and dad bring them up that day. Once they arrived I held Claire in my arms and Wyatt's hand and we ran through CCU into Ryan's room and shut the sliding glass door. They were finally reunited with their daddy! If you think they went rushing into his arms you are very wrong. They were intimidated. They were holding a little bit of a grudge towards him. They were overwhelmed by everything that was going on. I had told Ryan before hand not to be upset if they didn't want anything to do with him. It's their age and there was just a lot going on...new place, new things, etc. They finally warmed up a little bit. Wyatt just had a million questions, mostly "Are you still siiiick?"

When I told Wyatt to give daddy a hug he walked down to Ryan's feet, laid his head down on them, and said this is good for right now. His wasn't completely comfortable, as is evident in the pictures.

 

 

Their little Run for Ryan shirts slayed me! This was exactly what they needed and Ryan too. He fought long and hard for this two precious babies and I think it did him a world of good to get his hands on them.

 

Monday, I braved going home and staying the night with Wyatt and Claire. It was the first time I would be staying the night away from Ryan and while I was nervous I knew it had to happen. The kids were so tired of being away from home. They longed for their own beds as much as I did.

 

On any typical night, Ryan and I actually bicker over whose night it is to give the kids a bath. Point blank, it's just something neither of us enjoy. Yet, this night I welcomed it. I had missed giving those nugget's their bath so much. Longed for our normalcy. I let them stay in that bath tub and play as long as they wanted. I took my sweet time brushing their teeth and tucking them into bed. It was so wonderful loving on my babies and my head being there with them rather than being clouded by wondering whether or not their daddy needed me.

 

 

 

 

This did my heart good.

 

 

Monday when I got back to Ryan I decided to do something different for us. We were going to have some fun. Well, as much fun as you can have in a Coronary Care Unit. I rented us a movie and we were going to have date night! Nothing like keeping the spice, right?

 

Earlier in the week they had mentioned moving us to another floor because there was no real reason as to why Ryan needed to stay in CCU. We were nervous, but knew that it had to be done. Dr. Jones said we wouldn't be moving until they had a room open that was no more than 2 doors down from the nurses station. On Friday they told us we would be staying in CCU over the weekend just as a precaution. That, and I don't think they were quite ready to say goodbye to Ryan.

 

During our date, nurse Steve came and told us that we were getting kicked out. We had a room and would be moving tonight.

 

After 16 days we were going to say goodbye to this room. The room that had seen so many tears. The room that heard so many prayers and the room that had watched those prayers being answered. CCU 14 is the room that I saw my husband completely lifeless, but it was also a room that a true miracle was performed in. By the grace of God we were moving on to better things together.