My fever is high

Here we are just cruising through life living with a 4 and 2.5 year old when life seems fulfilled. When I don't even see the phantom baby in our family pictures. When I have wiped my house clean of anything the resembles that a baby was once a thing in our house. No high chairs, no cribs, no pacis. Just two little, okay one, self sufficent kid and one who is on the brink of getting the potty training thing down. Then? Then we have actual kids and not babies. And that? That seems like we should have a party. 

However, my uterus thinks otherwise. It hit out nowhere really. Ok, to be honest it hit at TLC when a fresh baby boy was sitting in my arms reminding of how tiny they are. It hit again next to the onions in the grocery store when I held a month old baby girl. The simple reminder of how quickly they grow into toddlers and then kids and then teenagers. Yikes. I held that baby quickly realizing that we had decided to shut the baby factory down. To throw up the closed sign and never look back. It didn't take much, living with the other female in this house. Her name is Claire, but on those rare occasions we see Blaire. And Blaire ain't pretty. If you're fortunate enough to spend time with Blaire you pretty much understand our decision to let her be the baby in the family and to not pursue one more pregnancy. 

It's hard deciding when to be done having babies. When to forever turn off the oven and never look back. How do you moms decide? Do you still see the phantom baby that plagued me forever? Do you just have a set number that you've agreed on and that's it? No more, no less. Do you leave it up to fate? 

I can't even handle the videos of Wyatt and Claire as babies. Their little selves crawling and pulling up. Rocking them to sleep. Feeding them and burping them. Swaddling them. I've got baby fever and it's high. I need a baby. I think. I know a sweet baby girl coming in September and I cannot wait to hold her and tell her mom to go take a nap while I just marvel is the sweet deliciousness that is a newborn baby. 

Someone send help. Ryan's going to want to kick me out of the house if I start the baby chatter up or I keep crying telling him to watch just one more video of the kids when they were younger. 

But for real, y'all...