Just call me Suzie

I spend a lot of time at home. 

The end. 

Seriously... 

I spend a lot of time at home. I work "part-part-time". (I just made that up and I think it's going to stick.) Really. 18 hours a week I put in away from my house trying to teach 2.5-3 year olds to say yes and no ma'am versus hey and to teach them cool things that they can share with their parents. My job is fun and it's rewarding. Plus, those kids are hilarious. 

But, back to being at home. A lot. 

Mondays and Wednesday are our days at home. I try and find us stuff to do to get out of the house but the reality is I can't keep us entertained for 8 hours each day. Nope can't even come close. 

I'm fairly certain Ryan thinks I do nothing. Like, nothing all day. He seriously envisions me sitting around all day, texting, Facebooking, watching Pretty Little Liars, or just nothing. That's so far from the truth. I do stuff all day long, there's just never any real proof of it. 

I do at least one load of laundry a day. (And here I am wishing Wyatt was still laundry obsessed. Homeboy kept me out of trouble.) I wash dishes but you can't tell 10 minutes after they're done. Want to know why? Snacks. Oh the snacks. I swear we go through so many snack bowls and cups. I mean I appreciate the fact that they put them in the sink when they're finished, but one day can't we just use the same snack bowl all day? So yah... The dishes never look done. And since we are being honest, sometimes the dishes don't get touched and you know why? It's because I have a 2.5 year old that is a complete and total path of destruction. Markers and coloring time? Sure. We do it every day. But the moment I am not hovering she's up from the table with markers in tow just looking. If she's not doing that she is certainly in the office climbing up the chair trying to get the Hungry, Hungry, Hippos game down which, of course, is a choking hazard and why I then have to go supervise  that. Never mind I haven't even put away all the markers and coloring books that now Wyatt thinks would be fun to color. But then, Wyatt hears us clanking around and decides it's  Candyland that he'd rather play and before I can get it down Claire's decided she is done and wants to pull out the shopping cart. And the toy stroller. And the beanie babies and take them to Walmart. All while I am trying to graciously let Wyatt win the game because today I don't feel like giving the "well you won't always win in life" speech again for the 213th time. Then, I hear Claire crying in the living room because all those couch cushions they got off and pretended were muddy puddles have now gotten in her way and she is ticked off because her and her baby cannot properly get to the store like they intended. Wyatt is right on cue running in demanding "the bear" be on tv when in fact, he is. 

It is now about 8:34 AM. 

This is how our day goes most days. And I love the chaos, but I also cringe because deep down I don't feel like I do anything.

It's one of the sensitive subjects in my marriage. And that's okay. 

I want to be Suzie Homemaker. I really do. I want a spotless house, but happy kids. I want to be the girl who says sorry about the mess, but there isn't a single thing out of place. I want to be the girl who has supper on the table at 5:30 sharp, but I also want to enjoy the few outside hours we get just the 4 of us. I want to be the girl who doesn't feel like I have a million other things to be doing when I choose to read The Three Little Pigs just one more time. 

It's a hard job being a part time stay at home mom. I rarely feel like I'm doing my job well, even though I clock in and bust my behind until I clock out when two little people are snoring. That's just try mom job. There's still my wife job. My job is hard. For me, it's hard. It's hard, but it's rewarding. Nothing... No dishes, not sticky floors, not cluttered tables or living areas will ever make me regret the moments I get to spend with my kiddos. They're only little for a little while and that's what I'm going to let them be...little. Am I alone? Good gracious other mommas please say no.