That time I got my wisdom teeth removed

I'm certain my wisdom teeth came in during college. 

They never bothered me. I just happened to notice them once and then every dentist appointment after that I was asked if they were bothersome. They never were so we just monitored them. 

Then I got pregnant with Claire and those SOBs hurt. Well one did. My bottom left. It was painful. It bled. I had a lot of pressure in my head. Once I had Claire it eased up and was only sporadic. 

Then, I went to the dentist office last fall and he said it was time to get them out. 

If you're wondering if I freaked out, I did. 

But, I put my big girl panties on and I made the appointment. 

I went to the consultation and honestly felt like I didn't get near as much info as I needed. I needed step by step of what was happening as opposed to oh here's your teeth and this is the day they will come out. 

It was scheduled three weeks out and of course I got all panicky about it. 

My appointment was on a Monday in January. I got the stomach bug so I called Friday morning and cancelled. I've never been so lucky to have the stomach bug.

I finally rescheduled over a month later. When I called on a Monday they told me they had an opening the following Monday. Oh, I'm sorry. Did you honestly think I would jump right on that? They must not know me well. I said no, too soon.  We settled for the next next Monday which was earlier this week. 

I had serious anxiety about it all. I did the most logical thing and did extensive research about it all. Googled had me convinced I was making the worst decision ever. 

I agreed. 

The funny thing is I was most nervous about being put under. I've never had any type of surgery so I was freaking out. 

My biggest fear? Not waking up. 

I had convinced myself I could tolerate the pain. 

But choosing to be put under left me scared. 

When I arrived for the appointment I had a nervous stomach and tears in my eyes. I kept telling Ryan to tell the kids I loved them and he kept saying you can when you're finished.

Such an optimistic. 

When they called me back I went into silent mode. I didn't want to talk. I didn't want to be friendly. I just wanted someone to silently know I was struggling for reassurance and for them to tell me all was okay. 

They got me in the chair and I checked the clock. 8:10. This was it. Before I knew it they stuck a mask on my nose and I began breathing the gas. I noticed myself calming down but then realized I was and began wondering if I needed to breathe through my mouth to stop inhaling it. I didn't want to feel calm. Then I wanted to ask what if I was breathing through my mouth during surgery what would happen. They started the IV and  then I wanted to ask... 

Then I woke up in recovery. With Ryan. 

And I swear two seconds had passed. 

Then I asked to see my teeth because that's logical right?

She was nice enough to retrieve them for me as I decided she was sweet enough that she and the whole office deserved cupcakes. However, I was sad because I knew today was Monday and the cupcakes place was closed. Travesty. 

I got in the car and text my mom. It was 8:42. Ryan took me to get a milkshake and then home. I know we went and saw my mom at her office but I'm not sure why. 

The rest of the morning is a little bit of a blur. I do know I was so thankful that Ryan moved the recline to the living room where I was laid up with gauze in my mouth. I was very desirable at this moment in my life. 

I did survive and it wasn't nearly as horrible as I expected. The Vicodin made me throw up. Twice. But, they called in medicine for that and I was set. I'm 3 days post surgery and feeling ok. I think my mouth is more sore than in pain and I'm just so ready for real food. Pudding, yogurt, applesauce, and mashed potatoes get old quick. 

I should also note how absolutely disgusting the holes in your mouth are. All 4 of my teeth came out. Although, I argued with Ryan that they only took out the bottom. Why would they do that knowing all 4 needed to?? Well, all 4 did. I was wrong. And high. 

Back to the holes. Y'all. Seriously. HOLES.  No one prepared me for that. I don't know what I really expected but certainly not that. And rinsing them out. Dear Lord. I wasn't ready for the junk that comes out. I hope I get more used to it because right now it just makes me queasy. 

Phew. Im happy it's over. I'm ready to be fully recovered and to have no pain or pressure in my head anymore!

5 years is upon us

When I said "I do" nearly 5 years ago I knew a few things to be certain and in my young mind it simply meant I was committing to doing life with one person.

Life was suppose to be rainbows and butterflies because isn't that what every young bride envisions?

No fights. No hard times. No medical issues. 

Nothing. 

Just pure bliss. 

What I learned was that picture perfect life wasn't what was in store for me and Ryan. 

Instead, we dealt with hard times. 

We got pregnant 4 months after we were married. Intentionally. We wanted a baby so desperately and the Lord graciously gave us what we asked of Him. What we didn't realize that the first year of marriage was our hardest one to date. 

On more than one occasion we would fight and ask ourselves and each other why the heck we even got married. It wasn't pretty, but we also never deny it. 

It wasn't the learning to live with each other fights. The he left his facial shavings on the sink fights it was the I set my expectations to high sort of fights. All the while I was growing a baby inside of me wondering how on earth we were supposed to raise a child together when marriage alone seemed so hard. Like I said the first year was so hard and lots of tears were shed. It wasn't until our one year anniversary rolled around that we finally felt on the same page. That's a hard thing to swallow seeing as how your first year of marriage, known as the honeymoon phase, was anything but. But we pushed through and celebrated that first year and were able to look back with a sigh of relief and know that we had made it. 

The following month we welcomed a beautiful baby boy and our marriage was altered again. 

This time for the better. 

We depended on each other more than we ever had. I intentionally wanted no help from friends and family during those first few days because I wanted Ryan and I to fully depend on one another. And we did. We laughed, cried, and I'm sure yelled at each other in fits of frustration but we grew closer during that time. 

When we welcomed a second baby 21 months after that our marriage was tested again.

We each were spreading our love, time, and energy amongst three people. Three people who all had different needs. 

But, we did well. We figured it out. We figured out how to be a family of four and how again, to depend on one another.

The older we've gotten the more we understand one another. He knows my likes, dislikes, and the things that straight up send me over edge. I know what switch to flip in the heat of an argument to really get him going and I also know that in the middle of the worst arguement we could ever have I could say, do you wanna French kiss and just as quickly as I said it the tension would fade and we would be laughing hysterically and the fight would end. 

I'm a passionate, hard headed person. 

He is a calmer, long fuse sort of person. 

But we mesh well. Or so I think. 

We aren't overly lovey dovey. In fact, it weirds me completely out. 

Our way of showing each other love is to make fun of one another. That's just us. 

We get better each and every year.

Friday we celebrate five years of marriage. Five years that were fought for in more ways than one.

I wasn't even sure we would get to celebrate a 5 year anniversary. I clearly remember sitting in the hospital and someone asking us how long we'd been married. When WE said 5 years this coming March it seemed so significant. Like we were getting the chance to celebrate 5 years when at the time it seemed impossible. Ryan being sick made me appreciate him so much more. 

For me, nearly losing him was what I needed to show how much he truly means to me. A life without Ryan didn't seem like a life that was worth living. He was my constant. He is my constant. He is the one person who is the light when my days are dark and he is the person who listened to my deepest fears. 

I am blessed to have my best friend here today. I am blessed that I still get to do life with the perfect person for me. 

We got through Ryan's hard time and the aftermath took its toll on me. Ryan never flaked. Never shrugged me off. Just sat there and let me cry many, many tears out of fear and stress. He saw me at my absolute worst... A panic stricken insomniac who didn't know whether or not the next day would be it. He's heard me say the darkest of things, but loved me through it. He's watched me as my light was anything but shining bright but was also my encourager to get it back. We have dealt with so much in or short marriage. 5 years seems like nothing, but to us it holds so much. 

Love. Fear. Pain. Joy. Laughs. 

I love each day with Ryan even when I hate the mere sight of him. 

I love the two beautiful lives we created even when they stress us out. 

I love knowing my best friend is there for me  day in and day out. 

I love that God loved us first so that we are able to love. 

I love the path that we were set on. Together. While it has been tough at times it has been so fulfilling. So rewarding. So wonderful. 

To the next 5 years- I don't know what is in store for us. Our faith will never waiver, our love will never diminish, and our house will never been clean. 

Bunney is the icing to my cupcake. Let's face it, not many people could deal with this on a daily basis. He's my hero.