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Monday, October 26, 2015

Fitted sheets

My mother is the reigning queen bee when it comes to folding fitted sheets. Seriously. She taught me the ways of the world and not to toot my own horn or anything, but I can certainly get the job done. 

Except for that one day. 

My mom stopped by to visit and I was in the midst of folding sheets. I went along with the task at hand and in the back of my head and I noticed I wasn't doing the job very well. It was sloppy. It wasn't neat like I was typically capable of, but instead big and fluffy, and I knew I could do better. I chalked it up to "distractions". I was chatting with my mom and just going through motions. I stacked it in my pile of sheets and went on with the conversation. 

Not two minutes later, my mom picked it up and asked, "you're not going to leave that like that are you?" and she perfectly folded that sheet like she always does. I was thankful. She knew I could do it and when I clearly dropped the ball in that moment she reached out to help me. To remind me of what she had taught me and to remind myself that I am capable. 

When she left I went to my room and did the most responsible thing I could think of. I drug out sheets that weren't folded under some false pressure I had placed on myself to justify that I was able. 

My mom's is on the left and mine is on the right. That purple set is nowhere near perfect like my momma's. Yet, I know I still have so much time to perfect it like hers. And, when mine is perfect like that one sitting on the left, Claire will hopefully be working on the one on the right.

It was a pressure I had placed on myself. No one else did. My mom knew I could fold better than I had. (And looking back now I wish I had a picture of it in all it's glory because it wasn't pretty.)

I feel that way as a Christian. Want to know something? I was a late(r) in life Christian. Is that even a thing? I feel like I just labeled myself, but I digress.  I was baptized in 2010. It's something I am so proud of, but it's also so intimidating for me. I'm a newbie by all accounts. Another label I've slapped on myself. I grew up knowing, believing, but it was never something that I was ready to commit to until my last year in college and by God's perfect timing when I began dating Ryan. I remember clear as day Ryan and I having the "we're getting serious" conversation that all married couples eventfully have and he specifically said, we will be going to church together. I had already been visiting a church with a friend, who was invited by her coworker. This just happened to be the same church Ryan attended. I remember the first time I actually sat with him. Insert big puffy hearts. 

I was ready. 

I was ready to leave the life I had known before and move closer to God. I was baptized in front of 3 people. It was very personal and something I treasure deep in my heart. 

I mention all the this because I feel like I was being perfectly prepped for a time when my faith was it. I mean, IT. It was all I had to rely on for a solid 10 days. 

My relationship with God is personal. It's between me and Him. He knows every single flaw and He knows every single strength. At the same time, I feel so inadequate. Like the newbie. Like I don't measure up sometimes to my peers. 

Alright, who out there is going to give me the sister me too. Meeee, too. Anyone?

You know what's been nothing but a blessing in my life? My church and the relationships that are forming. I joined an If:table and oh my goodness what a positive it is. I don't feel like the newbie, but rather a woman, mom, daughter, wife, friend who is navigating through this world trying to do His work. It's empowering walking away knowing I am just like others in so many ways. The pressure isn't there to be perfect, but to be real. To be comfortable. 

And again, I'm ready. 

I am ready to step out in faith, armed with more knowledge and His spirit and to see where He will take me next. This time I have others doing it with me. Reminding me that those fitted sheets can be folded tighter and that I can love others deeper. 

So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. Hebrews 10:35-36 

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