This is our's crazy, it's hectic, but most of all it's fun!

Monday, August 25, 2014

Part four: Seeing our babies

We have two babies. By babies, I mean we have a little boy who turned 3 in April and a little girl who is 18 months old. They are our world. While most people say I don't know what we did before we had kids?! I do know... I slept more, relaxed more, spent less money, swept less floors, and knew what "me" time was. I also never knew what love like that could feel like.

Ryan and I went to the hospital in the middle of the night. They went to bed at our house with us there and woke up to their Mimi instead. Wyatt is at the age where he asks 7658 questions a day. I know he was constantly asking about Ryan and at first we simply said he was just sleeping. It was easier that way. He understands that when you are sleeping you just sleep until you need to wake up. No true concept of time so it was easy for us to say sorry, daddy is still sleeping when he asked to talk to Ryan.

I went two whole days without seeing the kids during the hardest time of my life. A time when I needed their love. Luckily my best friend lives minutes away so my parents brought them to Haley's house so that I could see them, but still be close enough if something went south with Ryan.

It was so emotional. These little souls who are full of such innocence were now before me and all I could see in them was their daddy. It hurt my heart so much. While I knew that God would take care of Ryan there were moments the devil tried to take over and say and if he doesn't? What will you do then? It was again me having to push those thoughts out and confidently tell my children that their daddy would wake up soon and he would be home soon.

I sat a lot in silence just admiring my babies. These two precious gifts that the Lord trusted us with.  I am so thankful for friends that just let me be. That are okay with silence. That don't feel the need to talk, but rather to just listen.

To hear those babies laugh, to give me nothing but positive energy was just what I needed that day. I needed to see those little pieces of Ryan that I had been missing and what could only be found in our children.

Back at the hospital, Ryan had to be paralyzed as well as knocked out cold because they didn't want him to know he was paralyzed. It was good though because he was flailing around like a mad man. Well, maybe not flailing but definitely trying to get the vent out and that was definitely not okay. It was mostly a waiting game at this time. Just waiting to see how his body responded. They did say that dialysis would have to be started because his had complete kidney failure. Instead of doing the usual dialysis they had to do CRRT which takes a tiny bit of blood, filters it, and returns it to the body. It's easier on the body and for Ryan it was the only way they could get even a tiny bit of fluid off him. Ryan maxed out at 190+ pounds. To give you a point of reference, on a good day Ryan weighs maybe 150. His body responded well to the CRRT. They still had him on high oxygen from the vent and his PEEP was extremely high which is not ideal. I can't even tell you what the PEEP really is even after all those days of carefully watching it. I do know that his vent was at 100% oxygen and his PEEP was at 18 and it was not good as long as it was going on. The rest of the day we just asked for prayers that his vent would be lowered and that his heart would start performing better.

This is also the day that my friend Brooke had someone design the green ribbon. It immediately was plastered all over Facebook. I was blown away by all the support. Seeing the support from all the green ribbons was incredible. I honestly couldn't scroll through Facebook without seeing it everywhere. I like to think, whether or not it is true, that all those green ribbons were those who were constantly praying for us, and it was a lot.

People constantly surprise me. The people who were praying for my entire family was such a blessing. We are a testament to how the power of prayer works. I hope if you take away anything from Ryan's story it's to not get lazy or comfortable with your prayers. Prayers for you or on someone else's behalf. 

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